CIRCUS

Susie Armitage works at BuzzFeed and tells her experience about fear:

In circus, fear can hold you back, but it’s also very real and very useful. Make a mistake when you’re seriously high off the ground — a wrong wrap, a missed catch — and you could wind up paralyzed, or dead. It helps to be brave, but this is not a good activity for people who jump first and ask questions later.

In circus, fear is obvious and easy to dissect. It’s about self-preservation, rooted in the awareness of possible pain. Of course I cringe when I’m about to hang my entire body weight from one elbow or ankle. Of course my heart races when I climb above a certain height, or when I’m trying to remember if I wrapped the fabric behind my back just once, or twice — because it will make a crucial difference on the way down.

The great thing I’ve learned about fear, though, is that you can train yourself to touch it. I will never be someone who isn’t afraid of anything, who truly doesn’t give a fuck. But when I feel nervous about telling someone what I really think or asking for what I need, I try to picture myself up in the air, head held high, ready to drop.

Photograph by Angela Kohler.

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